Better Relationships? Be Nice!
Written by Kathryn Savage
Be a little bit nicer and you might live a whole lot longer!
Want to have fewer marital battles? Want to get along better with your kids? Your coworkers? Your friends? Be sure you pick your battles wisely! It’s an old adage but it’s true. It is unrealistic to expect you will never have relationship difficulties, and it seems the simplest remedy may just be a smile, a hug, and an agreeable demeanor, in other words: be nice.
Marriage
A happy marriage is about two people who love, support, encourage and respect each other. Of course when arguments do arise, what can you do to remedy the fight? Research suggest that negative events in a marriage should be followed by five – count 'em! – five positive actions to balance the tension out.
Roses and Chocolate?
Doing something nice to balance out the tension in your relationship doesn’t mean doing something big, expensive or dramatic. It can, but it can also be as simple as humor, a kiss, a walk together, sharing a glass of wine to decompress and good old fashioned make up sex!
Parents & Kids
Great relationships between the generations can take on different shapes and directions as people grow older. Aretha had it right - a great thing parents and children can show each other is respect. Respect for yourself, your health - both physically and financially, respect for your relationships, your daily actions and respect for each other. Enjoy the positives in life and share your bliss! After an argument, be willing to listen and understand and try to weed out bad communication patterns.
Coworkers and Friends
Conflicts in any relationship will arise from time to time. Research suggests that using “I” statements is a less aggressive and threatening way to approach a confrontation than using “you” statements as in “You never turn in your reports on time.” "You never pick up the tab." "You never call." Take accountability for your anger and frustration by using "I" statements more often. It's a great non-threatening tool for approaching conflict. Next time you feel slighted, point simply and politely to what you want and what you feel. You might still be met with a defensive attitude, but at least you are giving the other party a greater chance to take responsibility for their feelings and actions, to listen and understand your position, so you both might come to understand each other more clearly.
Most Important
Long term relationships are reciprocal. Most important in any relationship, is your willingness to be respectful and appreciative. In other words, be yourself and be nice.
The health benefits are tremendous!
When we feel good about our actions and behaviors, we might be less susceptible to stress related inflammation and mental distress. The longterm positive affects of being nice range from a great group of lifelong friends, good open communication with spouse and kids, and a healthy body and mind.
For further reading on how happiness and healthy relationships can positively affect longevity follow these links:
http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20080107-000001.html
http://positivesharing.com/2007/02/the-abundance-mentality-at-work/
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